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Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others, by Judy Murphy
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This book shows you how to be a more confident, assertive individual.
It teaches you the necessary skills to be decisive and in control of your life.
With the information in this guide, you will learn to improve your relationships, move your career forward, and earn the respect of your friends, family, spouse, co-workers, even your boss.
- Sales Rank: #65447 in Books
- Published on: 2011-11-21
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .25" w x 6.00" l, .34 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 108 pages
Most helpful customer reviews
59 of 62 people found the following review helpful.
Earning respect and achieving goals are made easier if you read Assertiveness
By Alex Diaz-Granados
When I was younger, especially in my days as a high school student, I was one of those guys who made friends easily with both teachers and fellow students but had a hard time when it came to dating and achieving certain goals which required collaboration from others.
It wasn't that I was an "ugly duckling" - even though at times I thought I was - or a disagreeable fellow; I had a circle of friends from a cross-section of my high school's student body that included football players, choir singers, members of the drama club and - of course - some of my fellow journalism students. However, when I really wanted to start dating girls, I tended to "wimp out" and become the "invisible man" because I couldn't find a way to get women to notice me in a positive light.
Looking back on those days and even further on into my adulthood, I realize now that although shyness played a lot of havoc both in my personal and professional ambitions, my biggest problem was lack of assertiveness.
Now, as Judy Murphy points out in "Assertiveness: How to Stand Up For Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others," assertiveness - which is not to be confused with "aggressiveness" - is one of the most important factors that determine whether we get a job we are seeking, plum assignments and promotions, or if we can attract a significant other and build a happy, healthy and stable relationship based on love and respect.
At the start of the book, Murphy explains the difference between being assertive and being aggressive, which is important to understand because some people, especially guys, tend to say to non-assertive peers "to be aggressive and go for what you want." I often heard this chestnut when I asked more successful guys how to get girls to like me or how to ask my student newspaper's editors for stories that I wanted to write.
However, as Murphy writes, aggressiveness "lacks respect. Aggressive people lack respect for others," while assertiveness is all about being firm in seeking your goals without being disrespectful or obnoxious.
In the book's six chapters - not including the author's introduction or her conclusion - Murphy discusses such key topics as to how non-assertive persons can train themselves to be more assertive by improving their body language and manner of speaking, how self-perception (especially negative self-perception) determines one's levels of assertiveness, how individuals can get further ahead in their careers by correcting bad habits - such as talking like a "wimp" or being the "unassuming type" in social functions - and gaining positive attention from supervisors and other "authority figures" at work.
Murphy even addresses the dynamics of romantic relationships - including marriages - which can be negatively affected by one's lack of assertiveness and self-respect. As the author points out, "If you want your relationships to be a haven, a safe respite from the storm, it is important to learn to assert yourself with the people you are close to."
"Assertiveness: How to Stand Up For Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others" is written in a crisp and easy-to-follow style, and Murphy's authorial tone is informative and engaging, with no heavy-handed preaching or academically dryness that would turn off readers.
26 of 28 people found the following review helpful.
A Practical Guide to Assertiveness
By Linda
We live in a society where people confuse assertiveness and aggressiveness when pursuing what we want in life. Judy Murphy's book, Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others, does much to clear up that misconception in a straightforward, concise manner.
Assertiveness is attaining a balance between considering your own wants, needs, and goals with the wants, needs, and goals of other people. Aggressive people act in self-serving ways that lack respect for others; passive people act in ways that show no respect for themselves. Using a list of principles called the Bill of Rights of Assertiveness, Ms. Murphy guides readers to understand how they think about themselves, how they communicate, and how others perceive them can impede acting assertively and getting the respect they deserve.
The book provides useful examples of passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior in a variety of settings, and then follows up with helpful exercises and suggestions for the reader to practice being assertive in those settings as well. Especially strong and true-to-life examples are given in the section on assertiveness in personal relationships, covering such topics as miscommunication between significant others and parent-child challenges. Another interesting section addresses how to raise assertive children, which is such an important issue given the widespread bullying problems in schools and neighborhoods.
The major concept of the entire book is that behaving with respect toward others and toward oneself will go a long way in assuring that one will be respected by others. Constructive assertiveness can also reduce stress, increase honest relationships with others, and benefit health. This book is a handy guide to improving one's life through being more assertive that will be read more than once by many of its readers.
19 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
Practical, Sensible, and Doable Advice
By Cheryl Walker
Good book on the topic of assertiveness. I've never heard any author talk about assertiveness quite like this one. She doesn't allow you to blame others for how people treat you. She realizes that people treat you in response to what you are doing, and in many cases, what you are not doing. She gives you valuable advice about what to do and how to behave.
Also there is a strong emphasis on developing your inner game. Inner game is key to asserting yourself effectively. How you feel inside drives how you act outside. There is useful advice for building "a strong foundation of self."
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